The grass I always greener on the other side

Change. I feel like I am constantly changing. This is a positive thing. I am able to adapt to new circumstances well, and make new friends in new places easily. This is also a negative thing. I have very few constants. It's hard to rely on something when it's so brand new.
I was just thinking about how miserable I have been at my job and how much "better" it's going to be when I have a new one. Is it going to be better? It seems like I have been fairly unhappy at many of my most recent jobs. Then I think to myself, life will be better at the next place I move. But has life really gotten better each place that I move? Not necessarily.

To the average onlooker my life is pretty great. I have a job, an apartment, a car, clothes, and food in my belly. But those are all things. Tangible things. I am fighting this war within myself, with my spirit, identity, and purpose. I expect to much of myself and am upset when the outcomes do not match their potential. For example my teaching. I am so hard on myself and the expectations of my students. Is that why I am constantly upset because no expectations are being met? Is that why I cry everyday at school, my heart hurts, and I feel like such a failure? I have no control of my classes. This is so frustrating and demeaning that I have lost weight, stopped sleeping, and more sad than I have been in a long time. To the point where now I have given up, walked away, and am turning my back. It kind of sucks. I'm actually more mad at myself for giving up then anything, but at the same time I know I need to save my sanity. Save the last thread of hope of getting my shit together.

Is the grass really greener on this side? I guess we'll have to wait and see as I get into the swing of things. Wait and see.