The grass I always greener on the other side

Change. I feel like I am constantly changing. This is a positive thing. I am able to adapt to new circumstances well, and make new friends in new places easily. This is also a negative thing. I have very few constants. It's hard to rely on something when it's so brand new.
I was just thinking about how miserable I have been at my job and how much "better" it's going to be when I have a new one. Is it going to be better? It seems like I have been fairly unhappy at many of my most recent jobs. Then I think to myself, life will be better at the next place I move. But has life really gotten better each place that I move? Not necessarily.

To the average onlooker my life is pretty great. I have a job, an apartment, a car, clothes, and food in my belly. But those are all things. Tangible things. I am fighting this war within myself, with my spirit, identity, and purpose. I expect to much of myself and am upset when the outcomes do not match their potential. For example my teaching. I am so hard on myself and the expectations of my students. Is that why I am constantly upset because no expectations are being met? Is that why I cry everyday at school, my heart hurts, and I feel like such a failure? I have no control of my classes. This is so frustrating and demeaning that I have lost weight, stopped sleeping, and more sad than I have been in a long time. To the point where now I have given up, walked away, and am turning my back. It kind of sucks. I'm actually more mad at myself for giving up then anything, but at the same time I know I need to save my sanity. Save the last thread of hope of getting my shit together.

Is the grass really greener on this side? I guess we'll have to wait and see as I get into the swing of things. Wait and see.

What it's like to have amazing friends

"Hello my friend,
I just wanted to take a minute and tell you that I love you and that you're awesome and these are 5 reasons I think so:

You are one of the most energetic and life-filled people I know. You always liven up a room and it's contagious.

You try really hard to make the people you care about happy because it's important to you

You are always honest even if it doesn't benefit you

You are funny as heck and can make anyone laugh even when they don't want to

You have gone amazing places and have inspired others to look at life with a new perspective. That's priceless.

One day, you will find someone who appreciates those things and more about you, who will notice the smallest things about you that are wonderful that you don't even know about and no one's ever told you before. All the pitfalls in the process are just stepping stones to what you deserve, and IT WILL COME--whether its a job, a boy, a place, or all three--it will come! You're the best and I hope you're doing better my love,"
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