Take a step back

Let me take a step back for a second.  So I was working my butt off in Charleston all summer, knowing that I was moving to Boston the beginning of November. I packed up my stuff to put into a Uhaul when I moved from my sweet bedroom upstairs to the dining room downstairs for a month so that the new girl could move in early.  The dining room wasn't really so bad. For the most part I had the whole downstairs to myself since everyone spent a lot of time in their rooms upstairs.  I spent a lot of time taking Jackson on walks and sitting on our dock.  I took him to the beach early in the morning so we could watch the sun come up.

This recent Saturday I had a total meltdown.  I had a few smaller ones leading up to it over the course of two weeks, but this was a big one.

My last evenings on the boat.

 I've been so sad and have been having such a hard time letting things from my past go.  I hold them all inside of me and let them weigh me down, so frustrating.  Then I get mad, angry, frustrated, and upset with myself because I am sad, which of course makes things worse.
Starting my journey now on being truly happy. Or finding what it really is that I am looking for.  Make myself happy, and then I can let someone else into my life. For now it is just Jackson and I. I kind of like it. He certainly does.




I want to be brave. I miss my sunrises. I miss the warmth on my skin. I love the way the sky changes colors when the sun moves through it. It sends so many amazing messages about change, continual growth, and not settling for the small things. 

Don't Hope So. Know So

"It's understandable to be sad. Take a moment to grieve and recover. It gets better."

My response "OK. I hope so"

"Don't hope so. Know so. You aren't going to die and your world isn't going to end. You are hurting and you need time to recover. But you are not dying and losing your mind. Grieve but put this in perspective. When something becomes our everything and controls our ability to function completely, it is far better for it to be removed from us. No matter how desperately we wish to keep it. Relationships are meant to enhance our lives, not to be the very center of them. You are much more than a relationship. You are more than Burke. You are more than your past and your family. It's seriously time for you to find that person and HER strength.
Think on that. And breath. Don't get lost in grief and miss the big lesson here. You have to believe in Anna and not look for others to verify your value. You are an incredible person and its time for you to begin to examine that."