Resigning

Resigning is actually absolutely terrifying.  I thought I would feel a  wave of relief after I hit the send button on my email, but that is not the case just yet.  It was scary typing the letter, and even scarier sending it to my boss.  It takes a lot of courage to back away from a situation like that, especially when you don't know where you are headed next.  I think I felt very comfortable knowing I was getting a nice paycheck every two weeks, had health insurance finally, and wasn't worried about having a job.  But the job itself was driving me into a depression, is that worth it? Is it worth it to be so worked up about work everyday that you are nauseous on the way there, have a hard time getting out of the car in the parking lot, and cry through out your work day?  I don't think that is worth it.  My mentality is worth more than that to me.  It is more important that I am sane enough to help other people, rather than burdening them with my sob stories

I keep asking myself why it was so bad.  Were people mean to you there? Were you bullied? Was the work load too much and you were not prepared to handle it? Were you unprepared from the start and did not realize what you were getting yourself into?  Yes to all of those questions, but on top of that, I am just not the right person for the job.  I carry other peoples emotions with me. I make it my business to try and make other people happy, and I absorb their energies in a way that can either bring me up or bring me down.  At this place there was a lot for me to take on, and I allowed to to bring me down.  Way down. Almost to a place that I was scared to try and get out of. So this has been a good step for me. To get out of this slump and make something better out of it.

It may just be the case that I will not be a teacher just yet. I'm not ready.  I will keep trying though. I will get to where I am supposed to be however that works itself out. When its my time and I am in the right place it will work out for me in all sorts of ways. In life and In love.

Hanu Hohonu

Hanu Hohonu - Breathe Deep

Take deep breaths.  Several times a day.  Calm your mind and center your body. Release all of the bad energies that you do not need to be carrying with you. Shake them off and blow them out into the clouds with the exhale of your deep breaths.

Breathe deep is my 2013 resolution.  By the end of 2012 I was so consumed in the downward spiral of my emotions that I forgot to stop and look around, breathe it all in.  I was falling into a despair and was relying on other people to pull me out of it; instead of focusing on myself and how I am the only person who can turn this situation around.  With a crazy, and sad turn of events, I was kicked in the butt to fly home and spend some time with my family on the last day of the year, while also deciding to make the necessary move into a new job.  I will finish out my semester, and put my heart and soul into what I do best, and then I will release all of those negative energies and move on to something new. Something new and better for me mentally and emotionally. 2013 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.  I am going to set up a home base for the first time in years.  This is a good feeling, and I hope I can spread these feelings of hope and joy to those around me.