Never Have I Ever...

See. Don't they look dumb?

Remember that game?  One of my favorites at parties.  It can be really fun OR really uncomfortable.  Learning things about people just by watching them take a sip of beer after a specific question, or putting a finger down because they are included in the group. Somehow that game always turns sexual, I don't recommend for the younger crowds.






Ok but to the point of this post.

Never have I ever felt like I was inspiring people.  I feel like I am inspiring myself sometimes, but other people? Thats pretty awesome. Its important to hear those kinds of things from other people, its almost like it keeps me going.  Like at a time like this.  Its Easter, I'm at my apartment alone, and I'm lonely. The same thing happened on Christmas.  Its interesting because prior to both holidays I was completely sure about being home alone, but then the time comes and I feel completely left out. Alone.
Waves of sadness pass over me.  Will this be something I struggle with my whole life? A whole month of complete happiness and then just another fresh wave flows in. Passing over me and bringing me down.

I got this awesome puppy named Jackson from my mom this week.  He rules, and as you can tell from FB, loves to sleep a lot.  He is great at following me around and just hanging out at work with me, but he also loves to chew on my legs.  I'm working on that one don't worry. He is keeping me company for sure.  I want to talk to people about being sad, but its hard. I don't want to bring other people down.  Thank God I have a job where I am appreciated now because that helps bring me up every time I drive onto Bowens Island. So, having a crappy job cannot be anywhere in the future for me.

Sending out positive energy. I got a letter in the mail from my best friend in high school letting me know that my attitude and experiences are contagious, that they bring other people up.  I like that.  What I am doing makes me so happy.  I hope someday that my sister really does open her own retreat so that I can be a life coach and make it my job to inspire other people.  What do you think? Time to go inspire myself and DO something for myself on my day off on Easter. I think I hear Folly Beach calling.

This is for all of my nerd friends from college

Two Months

My favorite affirmation that I have learned and manifest this 2013 is "I accept that I am a messenger for love".  Notice that it doesn't say a messenger OF love.  I believe this brings it a different meaning. I am not the one receiving this love, I am the messenger of it.  Bringing it from one person to another.  I love being here for my friends when they need advice.  I am trying to live by my own words too.  You know how some people will tell you awesome advice, but then they wont follow it at all themselves? I don't want to be that person. I want to be me, and exactly who I am supposed to be.

I decided at the end of 2012 that I wanted to be happy.  I told that to the universe, and I accepted my consequences of what needed to happen in order for me to be happy. The universe took my words and whispered them in the ears of others, and together it began happening.  I found my way out of an imperfect relationship that was constantly upsetting me and out of an unhealthy job that was literally making my body and mind fall apart.  Today is two months since the last day of my job. Two months since I have broken down crying at the most inappropriate times for sometimes NO reason. One full month that I have been off anti-depressants. Everyday I feel better.  I want to put it out there to the world, and out there to those who are in pain, that getting out of a bad situation is really really hard.  And it doesn't just automatically get better the day you get out.  There is honestly a healing process and a period of time in which you need to give your body to heal, to sleep extra. It was over a week before I even started to feel like myself again. And a month before I really saw the Anna Banana that I am most comfortable with coming out.

This past Saturday night at a good friends bachelorette party I saw that Anna come full force.  I was bossy and leading the pack, my main goal that everyone was having a good time and was happy with what we were doing.  I talked to a manager at the one bar, and talked to lots of strangers to make sure the bride-to-be was getting a free shot or two :) It hurt me to know that because of a silly Facebook comment her fiance was upset with me and her, and I was doing everything I could to make that right.  I hope, pray, and beg that when I am getting married and the time for my bachelorette party arises that I am not made to feel guilty, ashamed, or bad by my significant other.  It is the one day where you get to go out with all of your girl friends and have a blast.  Friends from all over getting babysitters and plane tickets to spend one special night with you. Why should you feel bad about that? Especially when it was literally a girls night and we were all just dancing and laughing together.  The threat of a strip club is a much different offense. 

Tomorrow I am leading my first tour.  I am pretty nervous.  I am also very sick right now, and slept for 13 hours last night, and woke up today still feeling pretty crappy, but I'm a Sullivan, I'll pull through.  I am going to take my sisters advice also.  I am going to imagine how awesome my tour is, and how much everyone appreciates it and learns on it.  Its gonna be an awesome tour.  And then they are going to write an amazing review about me on trip adviser.  And then I will be famous.  And they will tip me.  Lots.

Did I mention I am getting a puppy next week? I am so freaking excited I can't even explain it.

If you are unhappy with what you are doing then you need to change something.  Life is NOT about working a crappy job just to pay your loans off as fast as possible. Life is not about being miserable because you feel like you are stuck just to make ends meet. Believe in yourself. Your body is stronger than you give it credit for.