I'm sitting here in my new apartment,
tucked into bed late at night, and I don't have the internet password yet, nor do
I have the charger to my computer. So I decided to look through some
pictures. I landed upon these amazing pictures of the camp that I
worked at for 6 amazing summers. To be able to hang out with these
young lives during the summer when so much learning and love is
capable of happening is something that stays with you forever.
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| You can feel the love |
There was this one boy who had a really
cool A name that I want to keep in mind for when I have kids. He was
Autistic, but on the “high functioning end of the spectrum” as
his parents pointed out to me on the very first day of camp. He and
his sister were with me for the entire 6 weeks of summer. It was
interesting to me, as a studier of education/special education, a
recent grad of college and still pursuing my masters, that the mom
felt she absolutely needed to point out the high functioning part to
me. But looking back now I am so glad that she did. So many people
hear the word autistic and will automatically label someone. Boom:
He's different and should be treated as such. This boy and I did a
lot of hanging out that summer. We had to take some time outs along
with some recentering of ourselves in front of the schedule, but boy
did I learn the most from him. More than any other child that I have
had at camp or taught. Memories of the two of us stick with me to
this day, and I reflect on them during different situations to make
sure I am being the best person I can be.
I remember one of the final days of
summer when we were flying a kite on the grass just having a blast.
Instead of being frustrated by the amount of questions, needed
precision, and frustration, the two of us hung out and figured it out
together. Making that kite fly. That is a choice you know. Patience
with a small child. Especially a child who may not be able to turn
something off inside and you have to hang on a little bit tighter, a
little bit longer before losing your cool.
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| Mimo and Julian. The best of the best |
When I came back for my yearly visit
last summer he was in the next group up. It was hard for me to watch
another counselor not have as much patience. To not spend that extra
moment explaining the schedule and why we had to put on our sun
screen and grab our towel in order to go to the pool before yelling
at him to hurry up and get moving. That made me want to be a teacher
and get in there more than ever. I stood back though.
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| My Jack.I still wear the bracelet he made me when he was 8 |
What happened to that drive of
teaching? Babysitting tonight I had less patience than ever. I
caught myself snapping and being upset at things that normal 5 year
olds do. This boy in particular will push things to the absolute
limit, so it is quite hard to not lose your cool, but where did my
love go? Why can I not hang on just a little bit harder and share my
love anymore. I think I am so frustrated deep inside because of this
internal dilemma now about teaching. Do I still want to? Am I going
to be a kayak tour guide for a long time? I am moving in with my
sister Angela in Boston this winter. She asked me if I would nanny
for her as she pops her fourth one out. Absolutely. Maybe this summer
of kayaking will get me balanced. Will give me a chance to check in
with myself. Then I will be able to reconnect this winter. I need to
get in the right mind set though first I think. Self reflection get
me there and memories of camp keep me strong.
