I decided at the end of 2012 that I wanted to be happy. I told that to the universe, and I accepted my consequences of what needed to happen in order for me to be happy. The universe took my words and whispered them in the ears of others, and together it began happening. I found my way out of an imperfect relationship that was constantly upsetting me and out of an unhealthy job that was literally making my body and mind fall apart. Today is two months since the last day of my job. Two months since I have broken down crying at the most inappropriate times for sometimes NO reason. One full month that I have been off anti-depressants. Everyday I feel better. I want to put it out there to the world, and out there to those who are in pain, that getting out of a bad situation is really really hard. And it doesn't just automatically get better the day you get out. There is honestly a healing process and a period of time in which you need to give your body to heal, to sleep extra. It was over a week before I even started to feel like myself again. And a month before I really saw the Anna Banana that I am most comfortable with coming out.
This past Saturday night at a good friends bachelorette party I saw that Anna come full force. I was bossy and leading the pack, my main goal that everyone was having a good time and was happy with what we were doing. I talked to a manager at the one bar, and talked to lots of strangers to make sure the bride-to-be was getting a free shot or two :) It hurt me to know that because of a silly Facebook comment her fiance was upset with me and her, and I was doing everything I could to make that right. I hope, pray, and beg that when I am getting married and the time for my bachelorette party arises that I am not made to feel guilty, ashamed, or bad by my significant other. It is the one day where you get to go out with all of your girl friends and have a blast. Friends from all over getting babysitters and plane tickets to spend one special night with you. Why should you feel bad about that? Especially when it was literally a girls night and we were all just dancing and laughing together. The threat of a strip club is a much different offense.
Tomorrow I am leading my first tour. I am pretty nervous. I am also very sick right now, and slept for 13 hours last night, and woke up today still feeling pretty crappy, but I'm a Sullivan, I'll pull through. I am going to take my sisters advice also. I am going to imagine how awesome my tour is, and how much everyone appreciates it and learns on it. Its gonna be an awesome tour. And then they are going to write an amazing review about me on trip adviser. And then I will be famous. And they will tip me. Lots.
Did I mention I am getting a puppy next week? I am so freaking excited I can't even explain it.
If you are unhappy with what you are doing then you need to change something. Life is NOT about working a crappy job just to pay your loans off as fast as possible. Life is not about being miserable because you feel like you are stuck just to make ends meet. Believe in yourself. Your body is stronger than you give it credit for.
My heart is bursting with happiness for you. I can't even tell you how painful it was to think that you might stay at that awful job because it could possibly make it harder for you to get a teaching job in the future. I know that anyone who interviews you for a teaching position would see how awesome you are and you would have an opportunity again soon, if that was what you wanted. I am proud of you for being so very brave, when others would have stayed. Staying would not have been brave, it would have been punishing and you know you are worth more than what they gave you. Love you, Anna Banana. I am so glad that you have found yourself again.
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