A changing moment in my life.

Jackson is never angry or spiteful.

Change. That is what it is all about. Not dwelling on things. Letting them go. If I were to dwell on all of the things that have happened in my life, even the worst, then I would be going nowhere. I would be stuck in some terrible, claustrophobic life, unhappy and mad at the way things are. The only one who can make those things better is you. Hammering past occurrences that upset you are not going to suddenly make it better. They make you feel regret, one of the worst feelings. They make you feel angry and spiteful towards others.
I don't want any of that. I want sunrises. Long hikes to the tops of mountains. I want to smile with the warmth of the sun on my skin. I want to be happy when I'm alone. And I can be.

I want this

I wanted to write about this so called changing moment in my life when I first started typing this. But not even I know when that moment was or is. A changing phase of my life that is quickly and surely leading me to answers. I'm watching many people right now live solemnly and quietly in their life. Admitting to a select few about their real passions, purpose, and goals. They keep it hidden from most and remain sad, lonely, or content. I refuse to do that anymore. I have been scared lately to go out and do things on my own. I have felt trapped in Charleston, trapped in my house, my body, my thinking, my job, and my decisions. I let myself get hurt this summer by things that shouldn't have hurt me. I let irrational thinking take over other more irrational happenings that I was watching right before my eyes. I'll take it as a lesson. Lesson learned. Time to move on. Narrow down what you look at online, and broaden what you look at right in front of you, all around, in the present and in the future. Time to take charge of what is now, and let go what is past.



I'm trying to decide what I actually want to do in life. Who I want to be. What I want to be.  What do I want to spend my time doing? How can I  make the most of the time that I have here, and enjoy it. Enjoy every drop of it. Smile when it rains. Walk in it anyway. Don't watch your life go by with out enjoying the small things. Laugh at them, drink them up, dance all around them. And then look at yourself in the mirror and smile, because everything is working out exactly as it should be.

May Cause Miracles

There is so much that I have thought about today that I wanted to write down here. Haley and I drove back from Asheville earlier which was a 5 hour drive because of traffic. This gave us extra time to talk about our aspiration list.  We decided we are going to create an aspiration board (like my sister has) and put all of our goals on it, hopefully with pictures too.

Part of my 2013 goals is allowing myself to be more spiritual.  I always have been from a young age when I already knew that Catholicism was not my religion. Love is my religion.  I love, unconditionally, so many people and things, and will willingly do anything for so many of these people.  I "fall in love" too easily, but in fact, I have never been in love with anyone. As part of this journey, I will be learning more about other religions, and meditating.  I'm actually really excited to learn how to meditate.  I am in excruciating pain in my right knee when I sit indian style.  Therefor it will be a difficult task to begin to force myself to do so. But when I am able, I know it will be very beneficial and life altering.

Gabby Bernstein recently released a new book called May Cause Miracles. Literally is hot off the shelves, and my sister ordered me a copy.  It is a 40 day guide to miracles, and after reading the introduction and beginning of chapter 1, I am excited to start with Day 1 on Sunday, along with my sister and I think some of her friends.  You have until Sunday to join us by joining our book club on FaceBook, and of course purchasing the book which is about $15.  You may think its dumb, and its hard to get through the first bit. That is because you are scared to do something different and a bit out of the ordinary, while in reality it may be the best decision of your life. Learning more about yourself, how you came to be you, and what you really want out of life can be so satisfying, but you have to trust yourself to be able to do it. Finding your fears may only take 40 days of your life, What are you so worried about? Part of this journey will include meditating, so it will also help me with my goal. Also it will teach me to let go of fears, which I have many, and fill those spaces with love, which is the bomb-digity and exactly what I want.

I begin my new job on February 1st. What I am excited for.  I have a one month 'trial' period to make sure I can lead a tour, lift all the equipment, save someone if they fall in the water, be educational, funny, memorize my skit, organize the office, be in charge of the FaceBook/Twitter/Pinterest/ and website, and overall fit in with the small group of employees. This gives me about 2 weeks off before I start.  I will no longer be working a M-F job with 6am to 5 pm hours.  I may start work early and other times be there until after the sunsets.  Which for right now is short hours, but in July the sun is not completely down until 10. I am really excited though, and am working on finding possibly another job like bringing kids to school in the morning or tutoring.  We'll see if I need it.

I have been super stressed/freaking out about money.  I am going to fall short this month, especially since I took an extra personal day on accident and should have used a sick day instead. They skimmed 213 dollars off my paycheck for that stupid personal day, but honestly being in Philadelphia with my sister was more than worth it. Fear. Not having enough money is one of my biggest fears in life.  I hope I will be able to let that one go.

Let the Miracles Begin

Hanu Hohonu

Hanu Hohonu - Breathe Deep

Take deep breaths.  Several times a day.  Calm your mind and center your body. Release all of the bad energies that you do not need to be carrying with you. Shake them off and blow them out into the clouds with the exhale of your deep breaths.

Breathe deep is my 2013 resolution.  By the end of 2012 I was so consumed in the downward spiral of my emotions that I forgot to stop and look around, breathe it all in.  I was falling into a despair and was relying on other people to pull me out of it; instead of focusing on myself and how I am the only person who can turn this situation around.  With a crazy, and sad turn of events, I was kicked in the butt to fly home and spend some time with my family on the last day of the year, while also deciding to make the necessary move into a new job.  I will finish out my semester, and put my heart and soul into what I do best, and then I will release all of those negative energies and move on to something new. Something new and better for me mentally and emotionally. 2013 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.  I am going to set up a home base for the first time in years.  This is a good feeling, and I hope I can spread these feelings of hope and joy to those around me.